Be of good cheer, fellow gamers! The Holiday season is well upon us! We here at Beastby.net know how dull it can be to get snowed in with nothing to do but stare at your Festivus pole and shiver. So we’ve put together a list of 5 holiday-themed games and DLC that will surely keep you nice and toasty this winter.
1. GRAND THEFT AUTO ONLINE
If there’s one game that you should be playing in general, regardless of the list it’s on or time of year, it’s GTA V. Most notably, it’s thriving online ecosystem Grand Theft Auto Online. Since it’s inception, GTA Online has steadily drip-fed it’s users a now-mountainous pile of free content that only gets bigger each month. Nothing is quite as special however, as the blizzard that hits San Andreas every year around late December. It’s punctuated with red suits, snowball fights, and black ice that leave even the most skilled driver careening through the air like it’s Earnest Saves Christmas.
Know what I mean, Vern?
2. FORZA HORIZON 3: BLIZZARD MOUNTAIN DLC
Blazing new trails on the PC this year, Forza Horizon’s third iteration sure is a hell of a lot of fun! Sporting everything from slick drift-machines and stout trophy-trucks, to carbon-fiber jet-fighters on wheels, there’s plenty of eye candy to keep the drool flowing from casuals and car-fanatics alike. And the cherry on top of this asphalt-fudge sunday is the newly-announced Blizzard Mountain DLC. Adding an entirely new mountain area to explore, the expansion promises to push drivers to their absolute limits. Cut to me flying off a cliff in a glorious fireball 2 seconds into the first race. Smiling the entire way down.
3. VISCERA CLEANUP DETAIL: SANTA’S RAMPAGE
What do you get when you mix elves, peppermint vodka, and most likely a large pile of cocaine? A room full of dead bodies, and a call to Viscera Cleanup Detail to make it all go away. Even though this standalone version of the full game has been out for a while, it’s still hilariously addictive, and surprisingly soothing despite basically just being a janitor simulator. It’ll surely give your OCD some serious fits to get 100% though.
Don’t ask me where I found this gif…
4. DARK SOULS 3: ASHES OF ARIANDEL
Dark Souls 3 may be the last in an excellent series of punishingly-difficult action RPGs, but the party isn’t over until it’s over. From Software promised to release several pieces of DLC before laying the game to rest, and the first iteration is nothing if not stunning. The Painted World of Ariandel is both a wonder and a horror to behold. Whether it be at the hands of hulking vikings or the fangs of ravenous wolves, prepare to die cold, alone, and gripping an empty estus flask. Then come back and do it all over again! Such is your curse, ashen one.
5. CHRISTMAS SHOPPER SIMULATOR (1 AND 2)
When it comes to free games, I don’t think anything was as much of an intentionally messy, insane, and hilarious surprise as the Christmas Shopper games. Basically, someone took a copy of Goat Simulator and nailed it to a Jingle All The Way DVD… and sprinkled some crystal meth on top. The physics are broken. The NPCs are brain-dead. Your character looks like a human taxidermy. Everything is weird, out of place, and you literally have a dedicated fart button at your disposal. The 5 year old inside me laughs his tits off every time I boot this game up though, and I love it. Bring on the Egg Nog!
HONORABLE MENTION: DUKE NUCLEAR WINTER
Whoa boy! You didn’t think we were done, did you? How could I resist mentioning the Duke in a list like this? Well, as fun as any iteration of Duke 3D is, there’s a bit of bad news unfortunately. The latest version of the game that includes this Christmas-crashing expansion was Duke Nukem 3D: Megaton Edition. For some reason this version of the game was removed from all markets to be later replaced with Duke Nukem 3D: World Tour instead, which doesn’t include Nuclear Winter. If you happen to own it already, or can find someplace that somehow still sells it, you’re in for a curb-stomping good time! And it supports co-op, no doubt! So melting down Frosty and his gang with chain-guns has never been easier!
What’s that? You’ve finished your hot cocoa? WELL GOOD! Now go toss on your puffy jacket, grab your controller and some peppermint bark, and go spread some holiday cheer! And hey, if there are any holiday-themed games we missed, be sure to let us know. But before that… Longing. Rusted. Furnace. Daybreak. Seventeen. Benign. Nine. Homecoming. One. Freight Car.